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Lactok is a one-button arcade game for phones. You play a bearded Amsterdam dad whose bike is broken five minutes before school pickup, so he drinks a litre of milk he cannot digest and propels himself across the canals. Tapping farts, holding climbs harder, and both fill a shit meter that ends the run if it tops out.

There is no release date yet. It is in prototype: the flight model, the meters and the first Amsterdam level are playable, and the art is being built. There is no mailing list and no preorder. When it is finished it goes on the App Store, and this page changes.

Not decided. What is decided is what it will not do: no ads between runs, no energy timers, no paying to skip a level you already reached. Whatever the price is, you pay it once or not at all.

It is a fart game, so the humour is crude, but it is cartoon crude: no gore, no nudity, no swearing. The worst thing that happens is brown trousers and a canal. The final age rating gets set at submission and will be published here before release.

No. Lactok is designed to run entirely on the device, offline, with no sign-in and no profile. Your best score lives on your phone. That is a design constraint, not a setting, and it is why there is no account to delete.

iPhone first, because that is where the game is being built and tested. Android follows if enough people want it. Mail support@lactok.com if that is you.

It shares the one-button skeleton and nothing else. In Flappy Bird your input is free; here every fart spends milk and fills the shit meter, so the same button both keeps you flying and walks you towards a very public failure. The score multiplier peaks when the meter is nearly full, which means the correct way to play is to stay one tap away from disaster.